Joaquin Phoenix is getting Oscar buzz for his performance as a young Suri Cruise in The Master

Joaquin Phoenix Hates The Oscars.... And Some Carrots

Joaquin Phoenix is getting Oscar buzz (slap me with a dry carrot the next time I type "Oscar buzz") for his performance as a young Suri Cruise in The Master, but he let everyone know that he's not playing the Oscar game, because it leaves a gross taste of carrot caca in his mouth. During a talk with film critic Elvis Mitchell for Interview (via HuffPo), Elvis brought up the Oscar talk and it made Joaquin get on the floor and heave out pieces of rotten carrot bits. Joaquin was nominated for Walk the Line and he says the entire experience made him want to knee the Oscar trophy in its b-hole. Joaquin and Elvis' Oscar talk went like this:

MITCHELL: So what are you going to do when they put you on the awards circuit for The Master? 

PHOENIX: You're out of your mind, dude. You're out of touch with what has happened. 

MITCHELL: I think we've established that you're the one who's out of his mind. [Phoenix laughs] You don't think that's going to happen?

PHOENIX: I'm just saying that I think it's bullshit. I think it's total, utter bullshit, and I don't want to be a part of it. I don't believe in it. It's a carrot, but it's the worst-tasting carrot I've ever tasted in my whole life. I don't want this carrot. It's totally subjective. Pitting people against each other . . . It's the stupidest thing in the whole world. It was one of the most uncomfortable periods of my life when Walk the Line was going through all the awards stuff and all that. I never want to have that experience again. I don't know how to explain it—and it's not like I'm in this place where I think I'm just above it—but I just don't ever want to get comfortable with that part of things.

I know how Joaquin feels, because watching I'm Still Here was like going through the most uncomfortable period ever. But that Oscar crap is not that serious! GOOPY Paltrow, Crash, Helen Hunt and Al Pacino (for Scent of the GD Woman) all won Oscars, so it's obviously just one, big long joke. Joaquin doesn't have to get all melodramatic about it. More like JoaQUEEN Phoenix. Joaquin really hates the Oscars, because it's the only time he's forced to take a shower and wash his pits. That's the real reason.

And speaking of worst-taking carrots, Joaquin needs to stop acting like he wouldn't stick his tongue out if somebody dangled this worst-tasting carrot in front of him:

Yes, Joaquin, you DO want this Carrot.