SO, IS JOSH HARTNETT THE FATHER OF SURI?

If scientology rep Pinchin turns up to this I'll go and buy a hat and eat it!

Tom Cruise's lawyer Bert Fields good for a spoof

• Last Updated: 11:14 AM, March 18, 2013
• Posted: 12:23 AM, March 18, 2013

Hollywood legal eagle Bert Fields is pleased to be a character in “The TomKat Project” at the Playground Theater in Chicago. Fields, who reps Tom Cruise, told The Post’s Richard Johnson: “I love a good spoof, even about me — or especially about me. But they can be misleading and cruel, so I’m concerned for Tom and Suri.” Fields is pursuing a $50 million defamation suit against Life & Style for reporting Cruise abandoned his 6-year-old. Besides Katie Holmes, other characters in Brandon Ogborn’s play include Oprah Winfrey, Scientology boss David Miscavige, Tom Hanks and Josh Hartnett. Asked if he plans to see the show, Fields said, “If it comes to New York or LA. Chicago’s too cold, except when it’s too hot.”

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Katie Holmes Is Open To Having Another Kid One Day In The Future, Maybe

Here's Katie Holmes in a photo shoot for Allure (via UsWeekly) that was inspired by the time she escaped the Scientology Celebrity Centre using the sewer system and was caught by her handlers two blocks away, climbing half-naked out of a manhole while looking wet, scared, confused and a little constipated.

In her riveting interview with Allure, Katie says that she's thinking of going to law school and that last year was such a tragic year (see: Hurricane Sandy, the Connecticut shooting) and she hopes this year is full of peace. Then she played the flute and wore a one piece in the swimsuit competition before placing third. Yeah, Katie's interviews still sound like some shit out of a Miss America pageant. You can take the girl out of Scientology but you can't take the microchip out of her brain.

Katie was also asked if she'd ever be into giving Suri a brother or a sister and she only said, "I don't know. I'm open to it." I know I'm only reading her words, but I feel the hesitation. It's like the same hesitation you'll hear in John Travolta's voice if you ask him if he wants to top. Katie is probably hesitant, because the last time she was pregnant, grown men in lab coats constantly rubbed barley butter on her stomach, she had to regularly put ultrasonic e-meter cans on her belly to read her fetus' thoughts and she couldn't even scream while giving birth. So yeah, she probably wants to stay out of a labor room for a while.

Katie Holmes Brings Back Joey Potter As She Emerges Unscathed From Brush With Voldemort

Posted on March 19, 2013 by BOHOMOTH

Something’s going on with Katie Holmes.

Clearly realising that she had to go back to the drawing board after her Broadway play Dead Accounts closed early, the 34-year-old actress has re-emerged as as sexier, glossier version of her pre-Tom Cruise self.

And I like it. A lot.

She’s the cover star of April’s Allure magazine and looks better than she has done in years- thanks in no small part to the ‘Dead Eye Katie’ glaze she had in the Scientology years now being notably absent.

It’s quite the change, isn’t it? It’s amazing what not running on a treadmill for hours with Tom yelling ‘fatty’ at you through a mega-phone, living on brown rice and beans and staying up all night for days on end doing auditing can do for your looks.

She says she’s “open” to the idea of having more children, confirms Grazia’s story that she’s considering a career in law and says she hopes that “everyone” has a peaceful year this year.

“I hope this is a peaceful year for a lot of people in the world,” says Katie. “When you look back on the last year, there were a lot of tragedies – Hurricane Sandy, the Connecticut shooting. I just hope it’s a good year for everyone.”

She must be legally barred from ever uttering Tom’s name in interviews, when she talks about last year,  you’d think she’d never even had a husband let alone gone through a divorce.

I like that idea- that Tom’s Katie’s Voldemort.

In the behind-the-scenes video shoot, Katie’s all Joey Potter from Dawson’s Creek side smile and shy, pushing her hair behind her ear giggles and is a totally different woman to the awkward Cruise era out-of-her-depth Stepford Wife.

I reckon that Katie’s plan for this year is to totally wipe the Tom years from our memories and emerge as a strong, confident single woman and mother whose idea of beauty is ‘finding happiness in everything’.

I’m rooting for her – with a rocky few months out of the way as she adjusted to her and Suri’s post-cult life, I hope that 2013′s going to be her year and that she makes it.