The incredibly reliable and not-at-all-fictional news source Grazia Magazine (via ShowbizSpy) says that on Christmas morning, Suri Cruise will open a box holding the key to her new $13.5 million mansion in Upstate NY. Some source (aka the intern at Grazia who is mad that they had to stay in the office during Christmas break) says that Tommy bought Suri a pony and the pony can't possibly live in Katie's Manhattan apartment, so he bought his daughter a house. (Side note: Tommy is the same size as a pony, is just as loud, always has accidents on the floor and Katie lets him inside of her apartment. So why wouldn't she let a pony live there?)
The source says that Suri has so many toys that don't fit in Katie's apartment, so Tommy is hoping she can keep them in her new mansion. The source put it like this:
“Tom is determined to make this the best Christmas ever. Obviously there isn’t anywhere to keep a pony at Katie’s apartment, so this place is ideal. It also has space for her toys, many of which have been in storage since Katie quit their LA mansion."
When Katie's mad, she'll scream at Suri, "Go upstate to your multi-million dollar mansion, young lady!" and that just feels right. It also feels right that Suri is the girl version of Richie Rich. I'm sure Suri's new mansion is actually a giant Scientology-made spaceship that will take her to her mother planet when Earth implodes, but whatever, she's still got her own place! Take that, Blue Ivy Carter.
Speaking of BIC, Suri Cruise probably thinks she showed her up, but all that will change on Christmas Day when we all find out that Beyonce andJay-Z bought Blue Ivy the island territory of Guam.
Here's Katie and Suri in NYC this morning and Tommy leaving Letterman last night. Tommy's sweater, button shirt and undershirt can't contain his sweaty hotness.
CELEBRITY: TOM CRUISE AND KATIE HOLMES’ SEX LIFE IS FIFTY SHADES OF BROWN
“Fashion designer” Katie Holmes was snapped out in New York this week wearing an outfit from the late 1970s/ early 1980s of school uniform fugly green gingham shirt, blue flares that are too long and scraping along the pavement and espadrilles. As I typed that last word I had a look on my face like a cat coughing up a particularly nasty fur-ball. Espadrilles? Seriously? Eww. You know what happens to those horrors when they get wet?- they stink like dead rats, they’re the most pointless horrible shoes in the world and each and every pair should be burned- immediately.
Clearly the 33-year-old Bride of Scientology show-wife has given up on life, she’s tumbled out of bed wearing the same pair of jeans that she wore the day before and a cardigan that is fifty shades of sh-t. And, Katie… the shower- have you met?
And it gets worse. These ancient suede boots are doing her no favours whatsoever. I don’t know how she expects us to trust her to tell us what to wear and is intent on punting her craptabulous ‘Holmes and Yang’ clothing line, when she’s beyond putting an outfit together for herself. This is a woman who has not been f-cked for years and it’s written all over her face, clothes and footwear. I’m hoping that Suri, 6, will give her some fashion styling advice. In this picture she’s holding up a plastic fork at her baby-sitter. Fingers crossed Suri’s threatening to stab her foot unless she bins all her clothes the second they got home. That’s her only option now because even a charity shop would not take them and most self-respecting tramps would turn their noses up at those boots.
Talking of sh-t, reader Baby Jane told a jaw-droppingly hilarious tale last night about Katie and Tom. You’ll need: Tissues to wipe your computer screen free of spit after laughing hard, google and a strong stomach and possibly some tape to hold your eyebrows in place- mine are still ceiling -bound.
She writes: “In the early TomKat days, Hollywood’s oddest couple spent at least one night in a Sin City hotel suite where – according to a very well-placed source – he got his rocks off by lying in a (probably quite small) coffin-like perspex box watching a third party do show on the lid that culminated in a cleveland steamer (and if you dont know what that is, google it). She just sat nearby, impassive to the whole spectacle, with the glassy-eyed out-of-it expression that we’re now so familiar with. You’re probably thinking what I thought when I heard this story, but I concluded it was just too bizarre to be made up.”
Excellent. Thanks very much for sharing that Baby Jane – it’s made my morning! x
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